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Her Transracial Adopted Child - Her Hot New Fashion Accessory?

A writer for a fashion magazine caused a storm when she declared that a transracially adopted child is the hot fashion accessory of the moment. She compares the reactions she gets when she's carrying a Caucasian child as opposed to an Asian one, and even goes on to say she picked up "hot guys" with her "souvenir."

OUCH!

That is the response of parents with adopted children of their own.

More and more celebrities are appearing all over the media with adopted children in their arms that they "rescued" from impoverished countries. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt adopted a son from Cambodia and daughter from Ethiopia; Madonna is negotiating to adopt David Banda, a baby boy from an orphanage in Malagui, Africa.

What bothers many thoughtful people is that there are no pictures of wealthy African and Asian parents adopting white children to balance images of rich white celebrities. In addition, these high-profile parents often use insensitive words when they speak about their experience with adoption or their children.

For example, Angelina Jolie is quoted as saying, "I will never give my little boy back. I've given him a home, I've given him love and he's mine." Child psychologists tell parents of adopted children never to frame adoption in terms of parents "giving up" a child and children who are now "mine." Children are not objects and no one owns them. If you tell your child that his birth parents "gave him up," he will worry that someday you will do the same.

It is equally insensitive to depict yourself as someone who rescues a child from poverty or an orphanage. If you tell a child that his parents were too poor to rear him, he may develop fears that you too will abandon him if you hit hard times financially. Later in life your child may discover that his birthparents had other children they were not "too poor" to raise themselves.

If your child is "rescued" from a foreign country where many children are in poverty, she may develop "survivor's guilt." Why was she chosen and others were left behind? Being "special" or "chosen" places an undue burden on any child, according to Christine Adamec, author of The Encyclopedia of Adoption. The best way to avoid these problems is to simply say, "Your parents were unable to rear you themselves so they chose adoption." Then convey a very positive attitude, give lots of hugs, and say something like, "We're so glad they did!" The idea is to communicate to the child that adoption is just another normal way of forming a family. Emphasize how much you wanted a child and how happy you were when you adopted her as your very own.

Some celebrities over-emphasize the race of their children in public statements and even imply that their children were adopted because of their races. Madonna said on NBC's Today Show, "I think [racism] is underneath a lot of people's prejudice about me adopting David. I think a lot of people have a problem with the fact that I've adopted...a child who has a different color skin than I do...I think it's still considered taboo." Angelina Jolie told the Washington Post that she wants to "racially balance" her family with equal numbers of Asian, African and white children.

Many reporters are also framing celebrity adoptions in an insensitive way, such as "Steven Spielberg has three children of his own, and two adopted children." Adoption is a one-time event that becomes a thing of the past once the family forms. It is kinder and more accurate to write, "Steven Spielberg has five children."

Despite these concerns, there is a very positive side to the recent vogue in adoption. Adam Pertman, in his book, Adoption Nation, points out that "the public image of adoption is exponentially better than it's ever been." Not only celebrities but all kinds of Americans are adopting children in greater numbers than ever before.

From a child's point of view, these celebrities are very cool. The list includes not only Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Madonna but also Ozzy Osbourne, Meg Ryan, Billy Bob Thornton, Nell Carter, George Lucas, Nicole Kidman, Calista Flockhart, Magic Johnson, Michelle Pfeiffer, Senator John McCain, Jamie Lee Curtis, Connie Chung and many others.

Pertman writes: "...celebrities like Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise and Rosie O'Donnell proudly announce the arrival of their adopted children, further raising the public understanding that it's another normal way of forming a family. Stunningly, marvelously, for the first time in its history, adoption has come into vogue...Just about everyone I know with children adopted them."

He points out that the vogue for adoption carries over into your child's life. Being adopted is the cool thing to be. When your child's classmates find out, Pertman says their reaction may very well be envy.

 

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